When Your Grown Child Is Hurting

I don’t know about you but feeling my child’s pain – whether he or she is 26 or 46 – is the worst. I’d rather step in front of a hurtling train.

Many times during my son’s long illness, I would have done anything to trade places with him. I had lived my life.

Even when it’s not serious illness, I have agonized with my children in the loss of a girl- or boyfriend, feeling that hurt as acutely as if it were mine. Similarly in the loss of a job, the disillusionment that life isn’t working out as they thought it would, their fears of not being able to adequately provide for their children… al these disappointments I bear as well.

Maybe the hardest part is knowing that my child’s life is not mine; it is theirs to figure out. I am only standing on the sidelines – cheering or weeping as is called for.

And praying. Whenever I feel that is not enough, I am reminded of what my dear friend Mary always says, “Praying is not all we can do. It is the best thing we can do.”

Years ago I was reminded of “Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling.” (Philippians 2:12) To me this means making choices, sometimes between two poor options, that will help me live honestly and with integrity to honor the life I have been given. I can hope that our children do that, too.